Father-Son Bonding Night Gone Awry


No, I didn’t end up beating my son or telling him he was adopted. And he didn’t say that he hated me or wished that he had a different dad.

But on this night of bonding, beatings and others “Bs”, Brandon Rush was lost for the season, Biedrins got boo’d, Bogut was a ghost, the Warriors got a beatdown and the Hoop Troop remained bitches.

The night started great. Me and mini-me hit Rocco’s Pizzeria in Walnut Creek and were lucky enough to enjoy the best Friday night deal in the Bay.  If you buy a drink (which is also discounted for happy hour), you get to enjoy their all-you-can-eat buffet for free. I got a half pitcher of Blue Moon for $3.16 and free pizza, apps, etc. Once I got the bill, I felt I needed to order another half pitcher out of sheer wise-spending principles, but driving on five glasses of Blue Moon with a 7-year-old is not a good idea, so I passed. What I don’t understand is how this place wasn’t even that crowded. There should have been people lined up outside the door waiting to get in, then stumbling back out wasted several hours later.

While I don’t drive drunk with my kids, I do bump Kendrick Lamar, which got us through the Caldecott Tunnel traffic feeling just fine. However, if my son’s teacher tells my wife that he keeps chanting, “Goddamn, I got bitches!” during class, I may be in trouble. If it’s, “Martin had a dream!” I should be just fine since he’s learning about MLK in school right now anyway.

The Warriors parking lot attendants are the greatest, and I love ’em. But does the application for this job state: “Must be gay and black to apply.” Regardless, I name drop someone in the organization to them every time I go through and I haven’t paid for parking in over 10 years. “For real? You know, so-and-so. I know him too! Go on through homeboy.”

Hey Joe Lacob, thanks for the cool free Warriors Ground T-shirt on my seat. But why isn’t your partner Peter Guber wearing his as he sits courtside? Actually, why aren’t any of those fuckers sitting courtside wearing the shirts. And why isn’t your in-arena camera man putting pressure on them to wear the shirts by showing them on the big screen like you’re doing to everyone else who hasn’t put one on yet. Just for that, I’m tucking mine in my pocket and continuing to rock my throwback Rock #23 jersey.

Layup line warm-ups. You know who’s a great dunker on the Warriors? No one.

Time for intros. I gotta say, I’ve given up on Beans and make no excuses for him. You get paid well to do a job; fucking do it. But … I felt really bad when he got boo’d during introductions. He had a Bambi-like look in his eyes as he meekly waved to the crowd as his name was called and the boo’s pelted him and refused to go away like that green Wildfire shit in Game of Thrones.

You know who you are Old White Dude sitting a few rows in front of me who just took the shirt from his seat, then reached behind him and snagged the shirt from that empty seat. Maybe he snatched it for Guber. Fast forward an hour later and the guy whose shirt he took shows up to his seat stoned out of his mind looking like B-Real, non-African-American afro and all. Late Stoned Guy, speaking loudly while looking hungry, wants to know where his free T-shirt is. Old White Guy is nervous now, but plays it cool like he has no idea what’s going on. I almost say something, but I want to see how it plays out. Turns out, Late Stoner Dude is friends with a girl who also saw Old White Guy steal the shirt. But she is hammered (maybe she was at Rocco’s too, but didn’t limit herself like me). She stumbles down to Old White Guy and kneels down, talking in his ear. I don’t know what she said, but Old White Guy didn’t budge and she came back to her seat looking pissed off. Then she takes off her Warriors Ground shirt and gives it to Late Stoner Dude. Old White Guy should be ashamed.

Oh shit, there’s a game going on.

Fuck me. Brandon Rush just blew out his knee. His season is over. Crowd is dead. Team is shell-shocked. Grizzlies pull away. Curry catches fire and brings them back, only to have the Grizzlies pull away again. Lee sucks and Landry doesn’t, but Lee plays in crutch time while Landry sits. There’s you’re recap in a nutshell.

After making a great first impression in Phoenix, Bogut didn’t do much to start this game, then sat out for about an hour and returned looking very rusty. I guess we can’t expect much from him while he’s on doctor’s orders of limited minutes.

Random observation: I really hate the Hoop Troop guys who throw out free pizza and T-shirts, but I have to give them credit for doing the same thing at Warriors and Kings home games for about 15 years now. I think I would have put a bullet in my head a long time ago if I were them.

Once again, Kendrick Lamar made a rough drive much better. It’s been awhile since I could listen to a whole album without skipping through. Outkast maybe? Green Day? Nice job Kendrick.

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